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"I should" is the most dangerous phrase in leadership.
For the longest time, my default answer to almost everything was a polite, automatic "yes."
Yes to projects that drained my battery. Yes to events I secretly dreaded. Yes to keeping connections alive long after they had run their course, simply because I was used to having them around.
As a recovering people-pleaser, setting boundaries didn't come naturally. I thought giving grace and being patient meant enduring things that clearly weren't working. But eventually, I had to confront a hard truth: Every time I said yes to something that drained me just to avoid upsetting someone else, I ended up disappointing myself.
If it’s not helping you or bringing you joy, it’s got to go.
When Even "Good Things" Have to Go: A Hard Goodbye
Auditing your life is relatively simple when something is obviously toxic or draining. The real test comes when you have to walk away from something you genuinely love.
A great example of this was when I made the decision to step away from a nonprofit that I had built from the beginning with NALA(STEM). Don’t get me wrong; it still brought me immense joy. But through an intentional audit, I realized it was taking away from the larger impact I could have by zeroing in on IncrediPaul.
Because I had built a strong foundation, there was already someone ready to step up and lead the organization into its next chapter. It wasn’t a decision I took lightly, but it brought me to a fundamental realization:
There’s really no such thing as time management. You can't do everything; you have to choose what you focus on.
So, how do we choose?
The Sweet Spot: Value + Joy
When you evaluate how you spend your time, energy, and attention, every commitment, person, place, or habit falls somewhere on a simple spectrum:
Does it help me? (Does it move you toward your goals, support your well-being, or build your future?)
Does it bring me joy? (Does it bring genuine fulfillment, happiness, or renewal?)
The absolute sweet spot is finding the rare things that do both.
In reality, very few commitments hit both targets consistently and honestly that’s okay. Some tasks are purely helpful (like staying disciplined with your physical health or handling admin work), and some are purely joyful.
The danger isn't doing things that only hit one side of the equation. The real danger is staying attached to things, people, or habits that deliver neither, or staying spread so thin across good things that you dilute your ultimate impact.
The Trap of "Should" in Leadership
Intentionality isn't just a personal wellness habit; it is a core leadership requirement.
When you lead, whether that’s leading a team, a business, a family, or simply your own lif, operating out of obligation ruins your performance and burns out your spirit.
How often do you find yourself doing something simply because you "feel like you should"?
"I should stay on this committee because I've been here since day one."
"I should keep scheduling this weekly call even though nothing gets done."
"I should maintain this dynamic even though every interaction leaves me exhausted."
Doing things out of habit or fear of friction isn't leadership; it's passive living. Exceptional leaders continually audit their lives to ensure their energy is focused where it actually creates the greatest impact.
Time for a Life Audit: 3 Questions to Ask Right Now
If you want to close out these next few months strong and make 2026 your most incredible year yet, it starts with an honest self-audit. Take 5 minutes today to evaluate the people, places, and tasks currently filling your calendar:
Is this serving me, or is it draining me? Identify the top three things on your weekly schedule that leave you feeling depleted rather than fulfilled or accomplished.
What am I keeping around purely out of habit, guilt, or fear of disappointing others? Acknowledge where people-pleasing is quietly running the show.
What is stopping me from making a change right now? Is it fear of conflict? Unclear priorities? Lack of a successor? Name the obstacle so you can address it.
Let's Do This Together
Patience and grace are incredible virtues, but they shouldn't become excuses to tolerate situations that undermine your growth or dilute your purpose.
What’s one thing, even a "good" thing that you may need to prune from your life this week to make room for what actually matters? Reply directly to this email and let me know!
Let's finish the year strong and keep building an incredible life.
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