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The uncomfortable feedback I almost ignored
Transitions always bring unexpected bumps, whether it’s the sudden return of back-to-school traffic here in Nashville or a piece of unvarnished feedback at work that catches you completely off guard…
As we transition into fall, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting on a moment that happened recently.
It almost triggered my defensive walls.
I recently moved into a new Corporate R&D engineering role with a new manager (to me). A few weeks after the transition was official, I sat down and asked for her feedback on what she had seen from me so far. Given my track record over the last 2 years with the company, the expectations for me were fairly high.
Her response?
"How you've been showing up recently isn't aligned with how you were showing up just a couple of months ago."
She gently pointed out that the visible passion I usually bring to my work seemed… missing.
My Instant Reaction: Build the Defense Wall
My immediate gut instinct was to reject it.
She doesn't have the full context, I thought. It's only been a few weeks!
My brain immediately started firing off a list of evidence to prove her wrong. Look at how much I'm doing! This week alone, I’m co-leading an internal conference for our Nashville site that’s simulcasting across four regional hubs: New Jersey, Toronto, DC, Chicago and virtually! How could my passion possibly be lacking?
It’s incredible how fast the ego steps in to protect us when feedback doesn't match our self-image. It would have been so easy to write off her observation and blame it on "limited interactions."
But instead of letting defensiveness win, I decided to lean into curiosity and dig a little deeper.
The Realization: Perception is Reality
When I pushed past my pride, I uncovered a major blind spot: a lot of people simply weren't aware of the strategic initiatives I was running outside my day-to-day R&D work.
Because I was heads-down in execution, my energy and effort were invisible to my new manager. From her perspective, I did look less engaged.
After 10 years in the corporate world across R&D, manufacturing, and operations, I was reminded of a fundamental truth:
Perception is reality. It’s rarely the person who silently works the hardest who gets recognized; it’s the person leadership sees driving impact.
Hard work done in a silo easily gets misread as a lack of engagement.
The Takeaway for You
I’m still in the middle of actioning this feedback, but I wanted to share this in real time because you might be getting feedback right now that "doesn't sound like you."
Sure, it may feel inaccurate at first. The other person might lack the full story. But before you shut it down:
Catch your defense mechanism in action. Don't just list your accomplishments to prove them wrong.
Trade defensiveness for curiosity. Ask what specific behaviors created that impression.
Address the perception gap. Figure out how to make your actual impact visible.
Uncomfortable feedback is rarely fun to digest, but if you're willing to look past your ego, it’s usually the exact mirror you need to level up.
P.S. Now only 4 weeks until the my new show, the Be Incredible Podcast, launches on Monday, September 7th! Check out the brand-new cover art below 👇
2026 Rebrand Cover of Podcast Coming in September!
⏱️TL;DR
The Trap: Received unexpected feedback at work that didn't align with my self-image, triggering an immediate urge to get defensive.
The Pivot: Traded ego for curiosity to understand why my manager perceived me that way instead of listing my accomplishments to prove her wrong.
The Hard Truth: Hard work in a silo is invisible. In corporate life, perception is reality, if leadership can't see your impact, you look disengaged.
The Takeaway: When you get feedback that "doesn't sound like you," don't shut it down. Dig deeper to uncover the blind spots hiding behind your defense mechanisms.
CYBER SAVVY WOMAN PODCAST INTERVIEW
You don't have to choose between being technically brilliant and being heard - you can build both.
In this episode of The Cyber Savvy Woman, host Rachele Schainker sits down with Paul Faronbi, a chemical engineer turned Maxwell-certified leadership coach, founder of IncrediPaul and NALA STEM, and host of the IncrediPaul Leadership Podcast (ranked top 10% globally). Paul's path took him from research at Iowa State through corporate roles at Cargill and Nestlé before he built a career around helping Gen Z professionals in STEM lead with intentionality.
Whether you're leading a team, mentoring Gen Z talent, or navigating your own career in STEM, this episode is full of grounded, practical wisdom.
LEADERSHIP QUOTE
"You can get everything in life you want if you help enough people get what they want.”
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